Missing Matthew

They say that time heals all wounds. While this may be true, there are some wounds that while healed leave behind a scar that forever serves as a reminder of what was lost. Its been a year since Matthew left this world and while the wound his death made has begun to heal there will be a scar that will always remain. I can't believe that a year has passed since the last time I saw his face or heard him laugh. I remember our last night working together, it was the same night he died. We had sat and talked and laughed and I never for one second thought it would be the last time I would ever speak or see him. If I would have known there would have been so much more that I would have said. I would have told him how much he meant to me, how important his friendship was and how happy I was to reconnect with him in the 9 months we worked together at the library. I would have told him how much he was loved not just by me but by all those in his life and what his loss would do to those left behind. I would have hugged him and begged him to stay with us.

My last memory of Matthew is of him walking out the back door of the library after we had locked up and thanking Sandy and myself for a good day. I remember his smile and his laugh. There are days still where whenever I hear the back door of the library open I listen for his voice and I expect him to walk around the corner. I still find myself wanting to tell him things or share my thoughts on the latest episode of our favorite show Downton Abbey. I can hear him now doing his best snobbish British accent and I makes me laugh and want to cry at the same time. I miss his unquenchable thirst for knowledge and how he would ask you question after question about something until he had exhausted your knowledge of the topic. I miss our history talks and just talks about life in general.

I've struggled with the reason for his death and at times I've been angry, angry at him, angry at God, and angry at myself for not doing more. I know now that there is nothing I could have done to prevent his death and I know that God has a plan for everything. I know that Matthew is at peace and that he would not want me to be angry or sad. He is with his Heavenly Father and someday I will see him again for he was a follower of Christ. I'm sure he has spent the last year questioning every historical figure who is there about everything. I can't wait to see him again, to be able to hug him and tell him how much I've missed him and how much he is loved. I will forever miss him and I don't think a day will go by where I don't think about him.

A Year of Books

It's a new year which means its times for trying new things. I'm not big into resolutions because I never seem to follow them. I do however like to try new things and challenge myself in ways that I haven't before. I am an avid reader and for the last few years I have been a part of Goodreads.com's reading challenge. This is an awesome website the helps to keep track of books that you've read and books you would like to read. It also shows what you are currently reading which I love. I've got it posted on my book review blog and on my Facebook page. I've met my challenge every year so far and this year I am hoping to do the same. My goal is 85 books for the year 2015. I don't think this will be too difficult since I am in a book club and I no longer have to read books for my Masters program (thank the Lord!). I do however what to do something a little different, broaden my reading horizons if you will. A friend of mine posted on her Facebook page, Popsugar.com's Reading Challenge. This is a list of different types of books to read within the year. I've looked through the list and I'm intrigued. It appears to be such what I am looking for. So I have accepted the challenge! Here is the list:

This will be fun and I don't foresee any big challenges. Working in a library will help. If you would like to take the challenge I would love to hear about the books you've read! Also, I'm open to suggestions for any of the categories!